Job Hunting Olympics: The Asshole Hurdles

Alright, that's IT!  There will be no more pretending to act or dress"conservative" at interviews.  

Next interview, I'll be the "Don'ts" girl...  MEOW!

That nuisance of an old bleeding liberal heart of mine is permanently attached to my sleeve and is apparently evident regardless of my efforts to hide it under a nice suit blazer.  

Today's event is the Asshole Hurdles... In which the ultimate goal is to find a job in which your boss or manager is NOT an asshole.  Good luck with this one.  Good luck even if you're your own boss, you asshole.   

The First Heat...  (The first interview)

In an an attempt to maintain some semblance of my own professionalism, (even if I no longer abide with my attire) and also for fear of getting sued for libel, for the purposes  this article, the "Boss" will be referred to as "Dan" or "DQ" (as in Quale) and the company will be referred to as "Housing Bubble". 

After a firm handshake (on my part) and brief introduction, DQ and I sat down at the conference table.  Right out of the gate, DQ graciously declared: "So what have you heard about me?  Anything like (that) I'm hard to work for?"  I replied honestly that I had not heard anything about the position  or the company outside of a brief job description.  Dan continued: "Well, I'm kinda an asshole to work for."  Um... Thanks for the warning?

I had made it to the first Asshole hurdle.  The asshole who prides himself in being an asshole is also known as a narcissist asshole.  Luckily, one of my previous bosses was this kind, so I was not discouraged and leaped over gracefully.  Bring it on, Buddy!

At this point, I'm a bit more tenacious in my Interview game... it's been months of job searching now, and my interview skills have been sharpened by previous HR experience.   If you decide to stick around to learn more about what brand of asshole someone is gloating about being, don't be surprised by the answer.  But never underestimate the assholishness of a chubby, middle-aged guy, in an argyle sweater, on a 70 degree day.  

DQ explained the position in further detail; regulatory compliance; a paper-pushing job which was created by the government to make his business more of a pain in the ass to run, costing him time and money, and making him angry(er).  In other words, the job was created out of necessity to monitor the type of predatory lending that fueled the last housing market crash.  I was cool with that.  So what other benefits does the company have to offer, Dan?

DQ:  This isn't a political statement, but... Our premiums tripled because of Obamacare, so unfortunately we don't have any. 

Me:   Well, that's okay DQ, I have insurance through my partner's insurance, so I'm not looking for that.  How about advancement within the company?  

DQ:  We are a very family-oriented business here.  We would like someone to stay for at least five years, and not run out after a year if they find something better.  By partner do you mean a domestic partner?  A female?

Me:  Yes, my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years and his company allows us to share health insurance.

DQ:   Oh, that's okay... my wife and I were together for 7 years before we got married.

Glad that is okay with you, DQ.  

This is when I tripped over the next asshole hurdle.  I face-planted.  "Took a wicked diggah!", as they say in Maine.  

DQ:    So do you have kids?  

Me:   Yes, four legged-kids.

DQ:   (Who doesn't crack a smile at my (half) joke.)  Everyone here has family, and they're in and out of the office, we're very family-oriented.

I won't even bother to write any more about this interview, because as you have probably figured out by now, I haven't heard back from them.  It's a damn shame that I lack family values.  Otherwise I might not have lost this event.

At least I've figured out what my next tattoo will be... And it's not an asshole.